"La turista" is a clever little vernacular for "Montezuma's Revenge" which is vernacular for "new bacteria in my digestive system is making me puke and shit a lot". So yeah, this post is short because my day sucked. That is all.
So I know Italy does this kooky little thing called "La Pausa" it basically means that for a few hours in the middle of the day, everything closes. I am cool with that, it's a cultural thing, respect. However, I've been trying to get a box fan for days, the one little tiny home goods shop seems to only be open for 20 minutes every leap year. How do you stay in business like that? Today was sunday and most things shut down for the churchiest of church days. Again, respect, I get it. I knew that this could happen and I found alternate places to go spend my hard earned euro, but damns, yo... can a brother get a bed bath and beyond out here?
So, it's been a few days and apparently, I eat like a European already. Usually, breakfast is a little bread and cheese and a piece of fruit (because frutterias are everywhere and fruit is good, you philistine) followed by a jaunt down the street to pick up whatever odds and ends I forgot to get yesterday. Lot's o' hills here, I am getting exercise for sure. I am tanning up nicely, as well. Pizza is as common here as greasy burger joints are back home, but tomato sauce isn't a part of the equation. I've seriously been to Pizzeria Da Tullio every day. Tullio is awesome and I will become his friend by use of a draconian system of gifts and patronage of my own devising.
I sure wish I spoke Italian though, I feel like a moron, only knowing 4 or 5 words in a sentence and not being able to make myself properly understood (yet). Fortunately Italians are super nice and really gracious when you try to speak their language (actually similar to experiences I've had in Mexico, now that I think about it). I have the accent down, and I know enough spanish to fake it for now, so... yeah, I got that going. So, I'm a smart dude. I took a history class or two. That being said, I know dick about Rome. For realsies, most of my knowledge comes from Assassin's Creed II. There are churches and statues and what-have-you everywhere, they all look cool and I'm taking pictures at a fantastic rate. I don't know what many of these things are. I'm going to make up names and places as I see fit and there's nothing you can do about it because I am the internet and you are a human reading this (or you aren't and fuck you). Most of what I say here will be simply my own observations. If I'm wrong and you must correct me, go ahead, I might even listen. For the most part though, I'm going to be here for a long time and you, my friends, are curious as to what my experience is. As you can see, the language is a little NSFW, but hey, we're all adults here right? Chances are, I'm writing this in the dark after my wife and daughter are asleep and I'm tired from a day of eating gelato and walking up hills all day. What I'm saying is, I'm gonna ramble and my thoughts might be disjointed but it should be entertaining (I hope). Thanks for reading. There will be pictures, oh yes, there will be pictures...
I love to fly, the fact that I'm sitting down, while I zoom hundreds of miles an hour, thousands of feet in the air is always going to be cool to me. This was my first international flight and it was pretty luxe. TV monitors on every headrest with actually cool stuff to watch was a real treat. I caught the first couple episodes of Vikings (loved it), the pilot to True Detective (Harrelson and McConaghey have the best accents) and I finally got around to watching Captain America: The Winter Soldier (nearly perfect comic book movie). I've always been dubious about airline food, never having had it myself and hearing comedians rant about it for nearly three decades, I wondered, how do you make tasty foods without an oven? I still don't know how, but I did have a very tasty shepherds pie (thanks Aer Lingus) with a salad, some bread, cheese and a brownie reminiscent of Little Debbies. Unfortunately I had to take the baby from Charity (my wife, duh) so I had to cram my food down my gullet like a convict so that she could eat too. After an uneventful flight to my layover destination in Dublin I had a traditional Irish breakfast at the airport and I gotta say, black pudding be nasty, (same goes for white pudding) I don't know what's in it and I'm far too lazy to google it. The sausage was on point though and I've never had a potato farl before but it was like a piece of toast and a potato pancake had a tasty little baby. Also there was eggs and toast. What seems weird to me is that free water is really hard to come by in the Dublin airport, no drinking fountains (bubblers to you northern Wisconsinites) to be found anywhere. At O'hare in Chicago there is a fountain every 50 yards or so, they even have those nifty water bottle filling stations, but oh no, not on the emerald isle. I guess it's Guinness with a whiskey back or you pay almost 3 euro for a bottle of still water if you're thirsty. I'm a thirsty boy, so instead of blowing all my cash on booze and duty free perfume, I spent roughly the equivalent of 20 bucks American on several bottles of water on my trip across the pond. What happened next? Stay tuned intrepid readers, there is more to come.
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WarningThis will likely be the least accurate travel blog in the history of the internet Archives
April 2015
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